Dreams are something that I think we should pay more attention to. It’s our true self talking when we stop controlling our thoughts. It’s our subconscious making a presence. It speaks what we’re too afraid, too blind, or too ignorant to see. I listen to my dreams, well the ones that I can remember, especially the ones that I can’t stop thinking about. Sometimes they don’t make any sense. Sometimes they’re very vivid, but they are worth the dissection.
A couple nights ago, I had a dream that really stayed with me, well after I woke up. I dreamed that I was at a water park in line for one of the rides. I was by myself holding one of the tubes you slide down with. It seemed like the line would never end as we kept inching slowly to the top. At some point in the stair climbing, I didn’t have my tube anymore. I was empty-handed and tired. I kept climbing even though I didn’t know where I was going. The dream switched up again changing the tube ride to a monster single ride where you cross your hands over your chest. It had loops and twists, sharp turns and black out spots. I was scared. I didn’t sign up for that! If you know me personally (which you will get a sense of me through my blog) I am terrified of deep water. I just recently got over my fear of swimming in general this past year or so (that’s a story in itself). So any funky water park ride like the one in this dream, I would NEVER get on.
Back to the dream, I finally got to the top of the stairs and it was my turn to slide down. I couldn’t see the bottom. My knees started shaking and my stomach swirled in circles. Somehow I ended up being the only person up there. No other riders. No ride employees. Just me pacing back and forth on that wooden platform in the sky. I held on to the railing standing in front of the mouth of the slide. My heart was in my ears. I could feel every ounce of hot blood running through me. I could hear each breath forced through my lungs. I sat down, crossed my arms over my chest, gripping both shoulders tightly. I placed my head back on to the slide, closed my eyes, and held my breath. Something or someone tapped my shoulders, just enough to send me flying down the slide, except, the slide disappeared from under me. I was falling from the sky. My body jolted so strongly that I woke up instantly in a panic.
Why was I so scared? I was scared to go up the slide and I was scared to come down. Why did the slide disappear? What pushed me? Why did that fall make me feel out of control instead of free of restriction?
I can’t really answer these questions but I definitely know there’s something I’m doing or something that’s happening that is making me feel uneasy. Maybe it’s fear of adulthood. I just graduated from college. Maybe I’m subconsciously worried about finding a job. Maybe I’m nervous about moving. I plan to move out of my parents house eventually. I mean that is the next step, right? Regardless, moving is a big step and can bring a little anxiety. A lot of new things are happening right now and I’m going to take this dream as a call to relax.
Note to self: Everything is going to be OK!