It’s 2020 y’all!! Happy New Year! Can you believe it? It’s been 20 years since we thought the world was going to explode in 2000!! Now look at us! I was only 7 back then and my biggest worry was not scratching my Backstreet Boys Millennium CD! Well, fortunately, the world didn’t explode and we still outchea in these streets getting multiple degrees, cars, apartments, mans, and developing ourselves and relationships! We a whole 27 now! *snaps fingers and points lips*
Anyway, I’m not going to make this post about my goals for 2020 cuz ya girl likes to work in silence. I’ll just let y’all see it when I make them happen. Instead, I want to reflect, because…growth.
2019 was full of firsts for me! Good and bad. Mostly bad. This year was the first time I flew around the world, the first time I’ve experienced death that affected me to the depths of my soul, the first time I lost a job out of my control, the first time I’ve been ghosted, and the first time I took mental health so seriously.
Everything I listed above warrants it’s own story-time post, but for now, I’ll be slightly less detailed and focus on what I learned.
I had the privilege to spend Christmas 2018 and New Year 2019 traveling through Europe for 2 weeks with my mom and sister! We went to London, Paris, Milan, Amsterdam, and more! Shortly after, I flew to China and visited Hong Kong, Shenzhen and Guangzhou for work. Being in so many counties was such a humbling experience! Speaking to someone who speaks a completely different language made me realize how small I am in the world. Immersing myself in those cultures and environments was indescribable! I realized even more that there is so much to see!
About a month after my trips, I came home from work one day to see my mom and sister in tears. My Grandma passed away. I didn’t realize how close I was to her until that very moment. All of our trips and talks were bonding moments I’ll cherish forever. I never fully knew how close I was to her until she wasn’t here anymore.
It was eye opening to realize how close I’ve become to certain people in my life. A lot of times we get lost in the day to day and forget to stop and appreciate everything we have, everyone we love. We’re often reminded when something tragic happens. I learned to speak my feelings more often than not and to show my gratitude to the people around me, even if we disagree. This was the first time I felt pain from losing someone. I felt it for months. We all did. We still are. I don’t think that will ever go away. My reflection is to cherish everything because you don’t know your time or the time of your loved ones. Spend time in the now and document it. A lot of my memories with her have been documented through photos and videos. I’m so thankful for that because even though she’s not here, I have those to reminisce!
As if mourning my grandma wasn’t hard enough, I had to deal with my job moving to the East Coast. Which means, yes, everyone in our entire building lost their job! It became a count down. 8 weeks, 6 weeks, 4 weeks etc. to….”displacement”. With all that, we still had to work, “Business as usual” all while interviewing and looking for the next chapter. It was the most depressing environment I’ve ever experienced. It didn’t help that I was interviewing multiple times a week and went months without landing a job.
Around this time, I met a handsome Dominican man. He was everything I’ve ever prayed for in man: intelligent like no other, super motivated, he could sing, and was from a Caribbean culture. We got very close…maybe a little too fast. I mean can you blame me? If you found what you’ve been looking for, wouldn’t you want to lock that down too? Well I think ole boy had a secret life because things weren’t adding up. I guess I was noticing things I shouldn’t have and he decided to block me on everything known to mankind. No goodbye, no conversation. Nothing. He just dissapeared without a trace.
Ok are you keeping up with me? I lost my grandma, I lost my job, couldn’t get another job and now I lost my man. Ya girl was a silent wreck mentally and honestly this was the first time I realized how things affected me. I eventually came off of all social media platforms and started cleansing my thoughts because I just couldn’t deal with anything anymore. That was such a great reset for me. I thank the people who checked up on me when I was quiet. I learned who are really in my corner looking out for me and who aren’t.
In hindsight, ya girl had a rough 2019, especially these last few months. But, I’m proud of myself for getting through it all and how I conducted myself with strength. I held it together pretty well and I still always have a smile on my face. In a sense, writing this blog was therapeutic for me as well.
Things are better now. Thankfully! And I see great things coming very soon. My overall reflection of 2019 is: Life is too short to stress about things out of your control. Go live your life, experience everything, share love, be patient and be thankful.
Happy New Year to you and your family from me and mine! 2020 is a new year and a new decade. I’m excited to see what happens next!! Are you?
With so much love,